Disney Secedes From Florida

Disney CEO Bob Iger has taken a path similar to many self-declared elites by proclaiming himself a citizen of no nation. For centuries, the wealthy have grappled with the restrictive laws of “backward” countries. Interestingly, did you know that in Turkey, theft can lead to amputation, whereas in America, sophisticated banking, credit, and loan systems often achieve similar results without the physical consequences?

Fed up, the world’s wealthy have decided they will no longer be oppressed. They’ve formed a resistance group against governments known as the World Economic Forum. These disenfranchised billionaires are banding together to fight for their right to unrestricted freedom. No longer will laws against theft, bioterrorism, and underage non-consensual sex restrain them. With Epstein Island closed, it’s time to party elsewhere.

Bob Iger

Enter New Disneyland. It’s reminiscent of the old Disneyland, but without taxes or bureaucratic constraints. It has quickly become a paradise for billionaires, with the Cayman Islands even redirecting their offshore company taxes here. Business is already booming. However, not everyone is pleased with Iger’s radical move.

Rob DeSantis, the mayor of Florida, has written open letters to newspapers expressing his frustration. He laments his inability to raise an army against another nation. If Disney Land had simply stopped paying taxes, he could have enforced the law and deployed the National Guard. But since it’s now a separate nation, DeSantis feels powerless unless the President intervenes.

Upon hearing this news, President Joe Biden commented ambiguously, leading to varied interpretations by presidential interpreters. They suggest that by saying, “Come at me,” Biden meant that Disney must first attack U.S. soil to provoke a response. The President does not wish to be seen as attacking a nation that has historically supported indigenous rights, as depicted in the documentary “Pocahontas.”

New Disney Land is actively promoting its message on what is now a Pay Per View Channel, the Disney Channel. Their military boasts not just all the king’s horses and all the king’s men, but also Tinkerbell, a cadre of Stormtroopers, and Darth Vader himself. Those who believe in Disney magic know that these forces are formidable. Unlike typical armies that may have a single drummer boy, they have the Seven Dwarves!

As New Disney Land asserts its strength, there are mixed feelings in the U.S. Some are sending thoughts and prayers, hoping that New Disney World does not invade. Yet, others are ready to surrender, preferring to return to a mythical pre-colonial America—a lush rainforest where peace and happiness reigned forever.

–Crazy Jim

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