It’s Time for the Alliance to Take Down their Racist Statues and Defund the Stormwind Army

Open Letter to the Nobles of Stormwind,

Forgive me for this bold intrusion but what I am about to say is of the utmost importance. You may know me, for I am Joffrey Von Kraplander III, grandson of a wealthy and influential Stormwind nobleman. I have led a life of unbridled luxury and privilege.

Alas, I am a worthless wastrel that has spent many long years being over-educated by the tenured teachers in the Stormwind Royal Library. I tried my hand at writing poetry, but I was a miserable failure! With regret, countless years of gambling, revelry, and debauchery at the Lion’s Pride Inn, have failed to give any meaning to my shallow existence.

As a devoted human citizen of Stormwind, I must make a confession: I have always been uncomfortable walking past the towering statues in the Valley of Heroes. How could me — an entitled, pampered, child of nobility — ever compete with these mighty beings?

But then I thought: heroes? Not so much and not so fast!

Now I, and other Stormwind activists from wealthy families have banded together and we call these marble monsters what they truly are: oppressive fascist villains!

Now, whenever I get close to the Valley of Heroes, a tremor of righteous indignation runs through the core of my being. I can’t help but imagine the cheers of victory that my racist Alliance kin once uttered as they defeated and enslaved the downtrodden orcs and trolls. I who have contributed nothing to Stormwind am utterly disgusted and outraged by the vile actions of my ancestors.

These Alliance heroes — more like war criminals — represent the shameful past of human supremacy and systemic racism in Azeroth. How many orcs and trolls died under the oppressive yoke in the Lordareon internment camps?

If we be honest men and women, we must admit that the stain of racism and bigotry infects every member of the Alliance without exception. We must all recognize that the angelic orcs and saintly trolls of the Horde have endured the horrific and unforgivable legacy of Alliance supremacy that makes them unable to compete with the fair skinned rulers of Stormwind.

We Alliance must put aside our fear and ignorance! We must welcome the marginalized Horde into our fine homes and our sturdy workplaces. We must cast away our human, dwarf, gnome, and night elf traditions and embrace the superior culture of the Horde.

Xenophobia has no place in the Alliance!

Now, whenever I see a misunderstood teenage orc overcome with bloodlust that seeks to rob my person, I immediately kneel and ask forgiveness for the wicked crimes of my race and willingly hand over all I have.

Anytime I see a disadvantaged homeless troll trying to sell me some contraband mojo, I promptly empty my pockets of all my coin and pass it on to him with no questions asked. This is only right and just considering their history of being oppressed by my people.

It gives me no joy to say that the Alliance should be ashamed of their ongoing bigotry and cruelty. I believe that all humans, dwarves, gnomes and night elves should pay reparations to orcs, trolls and Taurens for hundreds of years of mistreatment. It goes without saying, that our Tauren brothers and sister are tired of being treated like cattle!

But first, the racist statues in Stormwind must come tumbling down! These hateful monuments to Alliance repression must not continue to despoil these fair lands any longer. Only then, do I and my compatriots believe that Azeroth can begin to start the healing process. Clearly, we have a long way to go before we rid Stormwind and the Alliance their conscious and unconscious racism.

However, that is not enough! The safety and security that the citizens of the Alliance have come to expect is no longer acceptable and reeks of the stench of privilege. How can we enjoy the safety of our peaceful Stormwind neighborhoods when orcs and trolls live in primitive huts and do not enjoy comparable security?

In order to have a more equal, inclusive, and diverse Stormwind society, we must defund the Stormwind army! Law and orders smacks of human supremacy and patriarchal militarism.

Not only must we defund the oppressive military, we must free all the non-human prisoners of the Stockades and give them the right to vote in all Stormwind elections and matters of state.

We must resist the temptation to impose our bigoted cultural values on our brothers and sisters in the Horde. They have much to teach us and we will be culturally enriched if we have the courage to set aside our fears.

We will not stop there. Once we are finished fundamentally transforming Stormwind, we will come for Ironforge and Tinkertown. After that we will traverse the Great Sea and mete out justice for the privileged night elves who live like kings in their ivory towers in Darnassus. Their day of reckoning is at hand, that I can assure you.

Fellow citizens of Stormwind, join the revolution for we are the future!

Talk to your bigoted parents. Educate them on the systemic racism and Alliance supremacy that lurks under every bed, behind every tree, and in every battered chest full of useless junk. Demand that they choose the right side of Azeroth history. Speak out and say something because silence is violence.

Orc lives matter! Troll lives matter! Tauren lives matter!


― Joffrey Von Kraplander III

Latest Comments

  1. AnonEntity July 2, 2020